


Anger's Place

by the_throwaway_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Drama, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Friendship, Gen, Guilt, Major Illness, Memory Loss, Moony - Freeform, Old Friends, One Shot, POV Third Person, Padfoot - Freeform, Past Tense, Post-Marauders' Era, Regret, Reunions, Sad Ending, Short One Shot, Strained Friendships, Strained Relationships, Tension, Tragedy, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Wordcount: 100-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 08:24:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16036655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_throwaway_account/pseuds/the_throwaway_account
Summary: A reunion and a lesson.No one holds a grudge like Sirius Black. After not speaking to Remus for three years, the werewolf reaches out and they agree to meet in a park one autumn day.(Takes place in an AU where Peter is sorted into Slytherin and James and Lily pass away before having any children.)A dramatic, quick read as well as a sort of exercise/experiment. This work is basically a closing scene, so the reader decides what led up to this point.





	Anger's Place

Sirius could scarcely believe the person before him was only 23 years old. He could hardly fathom that he was looking, in this moment, at his past schoolmate and former close friend, Remus Lupin.

The eyes resting in his gaunt face gazed out blearily, dulled with pain and weariness. This alone was startling to the animagus, as the werewolf's eyes were normally alight from within even just before and after the full moon. Usually a spark of fighting spirit charged their green color with vital energy, but now his entire presence conveyed resignation and defeat.

As disheartening as this was, it took the space of about three breaths for the most disturbing realization to materialize in Sirius' mind. On this date the moon was nearly new- Remus should have been in prime condition.

"You're ill," the pureblood said dumbly, sickened by the flat tone of his voice. Shouldn't he be feeling more than he was?

"Yes," the new stranger said simply. "It's terminal."

Black was about to speak again, but Lupin silenced him with one raised hand. Seeming to anticipate the offer of money or some other means of assistance, he said,

"It's not for lack of trying, trust me. Dumbledore— he's been seeing that I pursue all manner of remedy. Magic, muggle, homeopathic, experimental. It seems fated that my life is brief, although honestly, I can't say I'm very surprised."

He swayed a bit, stepping backwards and sitting suddenly unto the bench he had risen from, the awkward movement painfully far removed from the werewolf's usual poise.

 _I can't handle this. James should be here, not me._ Sirius thought, mind reeling and wishing for a way out.

Nonetheless, he sat down next to his childhood friend, bereft of words.

"There are some things I'd like to explain," Remus said lowly. Sirius gave a curt nod.

"The potion that's kept me alive this long has unpredictable effects on one's mind,” he said. “For me, it’s created blank spaces. I’ve forgotten things. At first the lapses didn't bother me— they seemed to only occur in my short-term memory, and I was grateful. But then... I couldn't remember being Sorted; I couldn't remember my own House.

Black opened his mouth to speak, but Remus continued.

"I know it's Gryffindor, now, again. I found my old scarf," he shook his head, one corner of his mouth twitching upward. He shifted in his seat a bit, gathering himself up with a deep, slow breath.

Inexplicably, hearing this inhalation seemed to cause time to still. The gravity of their reunion seeped further into Black's bones— the pressure of this lesson, this tragedy, closed in around him like tomb shadows.

"After that, I stopped the potion," Remus said. "I couldn't bear to lose those years. I'd rather die with them intact. I was never... never happier."

The weight of these words settled on Sirius' chest, constricting his breath. He suddenly felt like a damned fool. He suddenly realized how much time he had wasted.

Lupin's ashen hands trembled. After a moment's hesitation, Sirius grasped one, saddened but somehow not surprised by its cold feel. Remus gazed at the contact in quiet disbelief, and carefully kept his eyes downcast as he continued.

"I know," the frail man said, swallowing. "I know you hate me, but for the life of me I can't recall why. I only know I deserve it. The guilt is so deeply ingrained that the potion didn't touch it."

Abruptly, he pulled away from Black's hand and put some distance between them. He met the pureblood's eyes, fear injecting life into his own.

"Please, don't remind me," he said.

"I won't," Sirius said quickly, eager to help sustain this small respite in Remus' life- a life that had clearly spiraled harshly downward since their last meeting.

Sighing, he continued, "Sometimes I feel as if I've forgotten as well."

A breeze came in and mussed Lupin’s newly silvered hair, now longer than he'd ever worn it. A small, grateful smile settled on his face, but slipped away as the cool wind died. Before the werewolf's eyes flicked away again, though, Black could have sworn they held a small light now, as if from some dim hope.

"I'm not asking your forgiveness,” Remus said. “I ask only your presence, for a little while. I'm alone, and I'm cold." Urgency rose in his tone. “I'm alone and cold and I can't—”

Sirius interrupted him when in a single, swift motion he moved closer and wrapped his arm around Lupin, who crumbled into his arms. One arm snaked around Black's neck; the other hand softly gripping the front of his jumper.

The animagus embraced Lupin fully as he repeated, "I can't. I can't."

The words came forth like a stutter, automatic and unintentional, as he gulped for air. Sirius shushed him gently.

"I'm right here. Focus on breathing."

A few moments passed - a few shuddering breaths - but thankfully no tears.

"I'm so sorry." Remus said. "I'm done fighting. I'm so tired, Padfoot."

Upon hearing this name for the first time since before James and Lily's deaths, Sirius finally felt the last of his anger die away.

"Moony," Black murmured. "I know you're not asking, but you have my forgiveness all the same."

The lycanthrope didn't respond except to slump more heavily unto Sirius' chest, and a grim instinct told the pureblood it was not in relief or comfort, but in the simple, helpless surrender to gravity.

"Moony," Sirius said sharply. "Remus."

Lupin's limp arm fell away from his friend's shoulder, knuckles making contact with the bench wood with a soft knocking sound.


End file.
